It's time I stop pretending like everything in my life is perfect.
This past week was filled with me running away from stress, and now I can no longer hide from it.
I wish my life was as peaceful as the mountain sunsets, chilly wind stealing worries and fears and carrying them into the sunset. I wish my life was as beautiful as the Biltmore Estate's Gardens. The thousands of plants and flowers do what they do best, they grow without any worry about sunshine and rain; its like they trust God enough to send them what they need, all they have to do is do what they were designed to do -- be beautiful. I wish my life was breathtaking as the Grotto Falls pool's waters and Cades Cove's fog-filled morning scenery. I wish my life was as people-filled as the streets of downtown Gatlinburg. I wish my life was as sweet as Ashville's ice cream and as exciting as a Pigeon Forge s'mores night.
On the outside, my life may seem as cool as whitewater rafting down the French Broad River or zip lining through the Great Smoky Mountains.
But my life is none of these.
This week was filled with pretty places and steep hikes. I made sure I brought enough clothing for a sweaty vacation; however, the TN/NC mountain area's humidity was bearable and the temperature, at times, was chilly! Swimming in Grotto Falls, hiking to Abram Falls, taking pictures of my sister in the Biltmore Gardens, and walking through downtown Ashville were the most enjoyable parts of the trip.
My favorite little shop in downtown Ashville was The Spice and Tea Exchange. They had tons of different flavors of teas, spices, rubs, salts, and sugars. What caught my eye was a bundle of teas and sugar; it was named "Twix Bar Candy Tea" which included Black Chocolate Tea, Hazelnut Tea and Salted Caramel Sugar. I also purchased Green Tea Mints, Moroccan Mint flavored; two mints are equivalent, health-wise, to two cups of green tea. Although these purchases were not as cheap as I would have liked, they were something I had never seen, and wanted to try! Also, they do ship nationally, so if you are a fan of gourmet tea and spices (link above), go ahead and try it!
The downside to this trip was all the restaurants we visited. I ate 'out' more this week than I have in the past six months (at least), and that is not a joke. Eating food from my pantry and fridge makes my tummy and my dad's wallet more happy.
One night, we went to AppleWood Farmhouse Restaurant in Pigeon Forge. This place's friendliness and food reminded me of Crackerbarrel. As an appetizer, they served their signature Apple Fritters and Apple Butter, which of course, I couldn't resist. "Why are they serving dessert before dinner?" Makes it feel more like Oma's house! For dinner, I loaded up on a Salad which featured grilled teriyaki and a mound of fresh fruits. I could NOT finish this, my belly was so full! So, for the first time in history, I asked for a to-go box, and ate the rest the next day for lunch.
It is safe to say that I will not be eating out for the next two months, if not longer.
"Excited" is too strong of an adjective to describe my emotions towards the rest of this summer and fall. Yes, I am happy to begin nursing school; however, although I wasn't nervous about exploring waterfalls and cliffs this past week, I am nervous about dipping my toes into the unknown world of my future. Sometimes I feel like I am living the wrong person's life; maybe I was meant to be a screwed up movie star, or a smelly sanitation engineer, or a high school dropout, but somehow, I ended up here. My life feels like it comes and goes with tornadoes of experiences and emotions. I have a devil on my right shoulder yelling "your life sucks" while the angel on my left is whispering "you are loved" and "you do matter." Stress and worries about school, about doing well, about mattering to others, about having a hope and a future, about being successful, about people liking me emphasize the yells and drown out the whispers. I forget about my goals to add onto the Kingdom when the yells persuade me to the side of selfishness. I start to lose the control I thought I had reigned in so tightly.
When I start to snatch the reigns from Him, the ride becomes more than I can bare.
Two years ago, as a senior in high school, I chose my future profession like Tris chose Dauntless at her Choosing Ceremony. In 8 days, I being my Initiation into my Nursing community; may the odds be ever in my favor.
"Just when the caterpillar though the world was ending, he turned into a beautiful butterfly."
Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity. 1 Timothy 4:12