Well, this week was full of suck-y moments; not those where you forget your favorite black pen or you have to ask to borrow a sheet of paper . . . when I say suck-y moments, I mean like major suck-y moments, those type of moments that make you wonder why you still have a positive attitude towards the rest of the week.
Clinical day one 0500 - wake up with a positive attitude and outlook on the day; 0521 - did I actually wake up this morning or am I having a nightmare?
Spending the night at my grandmother's house, I packed everything and left the night before clinical and felt as if I had forgot to bring something to her house, but I figured I would be fine since I remembered all the important things. . . I thought I had remembered all the important things. I had brought my white pants and my white undergarments for my white uniform, but I hadn't brought one of my white tops. This cannot be happening to me, being forgetful and seemingly unorganized is not in my character, so it couldn't be real life, it had to be a dream. . . but the tears felt all too real to be a dream.
Thank the Lord, for only the millionth time, for my awesome co-nursing students. They have my back and care about me and my successes and truly care to give me a helping hand. Yeah, it may not seem like a big deal, letting me borrow an extra white uniform top, but it sure as heck means the world to me at 0500, a non emotionally stable time in the morning for me.
Last semester I experienced some days where I woke up when I was supposed to be leaving the house; well, although this is not a habit of mine, it did happen again this week.
And then there is test day; there is just something about test day that gets me all worked up and then when my number isn't to my liking, my whole day is ruined - sometimes I feel worthless and I begin to wonder if what I can bring to this world is unique enough, is good enough.
Then I have those friends - those friends for whom which I never asked God specifically, but he blessed me anyways; those friends who are there to listen to me when I need to vent, when I need to complain, when I just need to talk something off my mind, when I need a hug, when I need encouragement, when I need someone reminding me that my worth is not found in what I can do but for Whom I am doing it. Thank God for good friends. . .
So when life hits you with a bad week and brings you down, hit it back with some positivity. Its easy to be negative when life brings you to negativity and suck-y moments, but if you keep a positive mindset through it all, it seems less suck-y and lessons are learned, strength is build and being positive in hard times become that much easier.
When I get down on myself for not performing as my perfectionist-self expects, I have to envision where I will be in 10 years. The picture that comes to mind does not include a GPA, a fancy car or clothes, or even a big house; the picture that comes to mind is scrubs on my body, tennis shoes on my feet, a stethoscope around my neck, and my hands held out to help those in need. I want to be a shoulder to those who need to shed a tear; I want to be a friend to those who need someone to confide; I want to be a vessel in which God uses to heal others of physical and emotional sickness. Nursing is such an extraordinary profession, such a magnificent way to be used in the Kingdom of the Most High. This is my dream.
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Then I have those friends - those friends for whom which I never asked God specifically, but he blessed me anyways; those friends who are there to listen to me when I need to vent, when I need to complain, when I just need to talk something off my mind, when I need a hug, when I need encouragement, when I need someone reminding me that my worth is not found in what I can do but for Whom I am doing it. Thank God for good friends. . .
Remember through nursing school, don't make you identity and worth based on your grades. You know where and who your identity and worth comes from and that's found in Jesus Christ. When it comes from other places that's when we becomes confused and crazed about all sorts of things. Keep working hard, doing your best, and putting our trust in the Lord and you'll soar. I promise.It is comforting to know that He has called me by name and I am His (Isaiah 43:1); it is comforting to know that He has inscribed me on the palms of His hands (Isaiah 49:16). Although He has a vast number of followers, I am not a number to Him. He always speaks to me by name. "Yes, this world is full of trouble, but Jesus is with me and He is in control."
When I get down on myself for not performing as my perfectionist-self expects, I have to envision where I will be in 10 years. The picture that comes to mind does not include a GPA, a fancy car or clothes, or even a big house; the picture that comes to mind is scrubs on my body, tennis shoes on my feet, a stethoscope around my neck, and my hands held out to help those in need. I want to be a shoulder to those who need to shed a tear; I want to be a friend to those who need someone to confide; I want to be a vessel in which God uses to heal others of physical and emotional sickness. Nursing is such an extraordinary profession, such a magnificent way to be used in the Kingdom of the Most High. This is my dream.
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Until next week . . .
xoxo