it has been a while since I have heard from you and you from me. No, I am not writing you because I miss you nor am I writing this as a hate letter to your absence of respectfulness. I am simply writing to tell you how much I appreciate you - you are one of the best things that has happened to me. . . you coming into my life, you doing what you did in my life, and you exiting my life. You and your actions have taught me so much about life, about relationships, and about myself.
Because of you, I was blessed with the opportunity to learn my impact on others - how my actions have an impact on others, how my words have an impact on others, how my personality has an impact on others, how my motivation and dedication has an impact on others. Before you, I was never really able to see how important it is to always be true to myself and my values.
Because of you, I was blessed with the opportunity to learn how to love myself and love being myself. Before you, I was never really completely comfortable being myself - I wasn't good at appreciating myself and the uniqueness I brought into my specific circles of life.
Because of you, I was blessed with the opportunity to learn how to stick up for myself and do what is truly best for myself. Before you exited my life, I allowed emotions to drive my decision-making.
If only you could see me now.
I'm a new person - a completely different, happier, independent person. My outlook on people, on myself, on my family, on my friends has changed. It feels as if there was a mask over my face, and even though you were not the cause of it, my unhappiness and negativity spread to others like wildfire.
starting over is what I needed; its funny how God knew that. He knew I wasn't going to make that decision, so He did it for me. I was stuck being someone I wasn't - I was content being the girl who believed I wasn't me without you.
heart ripped from the chest - I felt as if my life had been paused by a remote which you held in your hands - I believed all my thoughts would always revolve around you.
this lonely heart was forced into the only thing of which it could think - talking to God and reading His words. Although comfort did not come instantly, He has been loyal.
as you continue through your journey of life I pray you dedicate your entire being to that of the Truth - to never accepting 'i don't know' as an answer and actively taking part in finding and exhibiting Truth.
I pray you exhibit truthfulness when you tell someone you love them - don't throw around the words to everyone you see on the side walk. This is not for your sake but for hers - don't lie to her, because if you do, she is way out of your league; and when she leaves, know she is going to be doing some pretty cool things for the Kingdom without you.
grow up and don't be with someone just because you are lonely - get used to your own skin before you touch hers. yes, I understand you 'love' her and want to be with her after knowing her for the longest 2 months of your life, but with every relationship, you give a part of yourself away that you will never be able to give to the person to whom your promise your future. Love yourself before you take those four letters from her mouth.
as for me, you are now my past, you were one of the best things that ever happened to me. . . there are greater things in store for me now; you don't hold the remote, God does.
I hate to say that this time was wasted, but truly it wasn't - I learned things and am who I am because of my past. Do I have regrets? maybe. . but without the history, I would be less wise, less me.
thanks for teaching me that my greatest adventure is not you, but that my greatest adventure is the wild ride God is laying before me - my future in serving Him.
cheers-
your fav x
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"You are not worthless because of a choice he made to move on. You are not defined through how one boy thinks of you, in fact, you are not defined through how a million boys think of you.
You are beautiful. You are loved. You are of so much value."