I am sure you are going through a rough patch right now; sometimes it feels like all of life if 'rough.' I may not be able to relate one hundred percent with what you are going though, but hey, I am sure you have no idea how many times I have cried in the past two weeks, so we are even!
Do I really have any room to complain though? From the outside, it looks as if I have everything under control, as if my life is almost. . perfect. But nothing is perfect, and when your life goes from fully mobile to even just a tad handicapped, everything can feel like its falling apart; the world is spinning out of control and you are no longer in charge of what happens and all you are left with a gallon full of overwhelming tears. Why would God threaten to take away the things that mean the most to you? And even take away some of those for a, hopefully, temporary time period. .
In the old testament, God and Abraham made a covenant which included the act of circumcision. Through this act, Abraham and the subsequent Israelites were handing their ability to have children over to the Lord; may not seem like a big deal now, but back in Abe's day, it was a pretty big deal.
I try to relate my situation to Abraham's desires versus his sacrifices to the Lord. In order for my circumstances to change me for the better and for me to stay sane during the next few months, I need to hand over all my dreams and all my plans to the Lord, and leave it in His hands. Now, indeed, this task is much harder spoken of than done, and I am still trying to figure out how to not always want to be in control and instead, give Him the control.
Psalm 46:10 Cease striving (be still) and know that I am God.
When we finally give up trying to discover all the answers to the 'whys' in our lives and decide to trust a sovereign God, unexpected peace washes over us like a summer rain.
Every moment, every second has a purpose in the House of the Lord. Just like a neonate is not fully developed upon birth, God allows challenges and tests to grow you into a more mature disciple. The Holy Spirit is not a sail, but a rudder; but sometimes that rudder can be kind of strong and may even cause you to fall overboard a few times. . . but you won't ever drown. It may feel like you are getting caught by the waves and you can't breathe, but His hand is reaching out to grab you back onto the boat and allow you to continue steering. With each fall, you learn something new, you gain another indention in the character of your soul, you become more steady in your faith. He has brought you this far so why should you question him now? Maybe along the way you will find answers through trauma and motivation to go farther and become something more than you have ever dreamed or desired.
Maybe it is no longer about how much money you make, but how much love you can create in a world full of darkness.
* * *
I try to hold on to this world with everything I have, but I feel the weight of what it brings and the hurt that tries to grab.
The many trials that seem to never end His word declares this truth: that we will enter in this rest with wonders anew. But I hold on to this hope and the promise that He brings: that there will be a place with no more suffering
There will be a day with no more tears, no more pain, and no more fears. There will be a day when the burdens of this place will be no more, we'll see Jesus face to face. But until that day, we'll hold on to you always.
I know the journey seems so long, you feel you're walking on your own but there has never been a step where you've walked out all alone
Troubled soul don't lose your heart because joy and peace he brings, and the beauty that's in store outweighs the hurt of life's sting
* * *
You brought me this far so why would I question You now
You have provided so why would I start to doubt
I've never been stranded, abandoned or left here to fight alone
So I'm giving You control
I lift my life, I give it all in surrender
I lift my heart, You can have it forever
All my dreams, all my plans
Lord I leave it in Your hands
I lift my life, have Your way in me
If peace is a river then let it sweep over me
If I'm under fire I know it's refining me
When I hear You calling out I follow now wherever the road may go
I know You're leading me home
Take my life and let it be all for You