And this is why I started working on my senior research project so early. . .
because the next few weeks leading up to my summer clinical course at FSU will be filled with family, fun, sun, and physical therapy. But I can't stop staring at my planner, not just because I love planners and planning and writing in colorful colors in my beloved planner, but because for so long I had nothing to write in my planner; there were so many weeks of planner space where the only thing on the paper was the pre-printed planner design. Being able to write stuff in my planner is exciting, and being able to go out and actually do the things written in my planner is even more exhilarating.
"I hope you know you are capable & brave & significant. Even when it feels like you're not."
Maybe three or so months ago when I sat in my professor's office talking about finishing my clinical hours for my first clinical course of the semester, it felt as if those days - those clinical makeup days - would never actually come to be. Yeah, you plan for those makeup days, but there is no way that my completely broken ankle will be able to ever again stand up to two seven hour clinical makeup days.
Well, those clinical makeup days came and went, and I spent fourteen hours over the course of two days rediscovering a passion that got lost within the stresses and worries of getting through a broken ankle.
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In nursing school, we are taught to take on patients in a different way than physicians. Physicians are trained to treat the individual's disease while nurses are taught to treat the illness. Well, those job descriptions sound, like, the exact same. . .
You know those 'stereotypical' doctors, those who give you 'white coat syndrome,' maybe they are the reason you hate the doctor. The physicians' goal is to treat the disease of the patient, disease referring to the medical establishment's perspective. So your doctor is meant to treat your diabetes, your congestive heart failure, your high blood pressure, your arthritis; some, definitely not all, get to caught up in the disease and fail to remember the illness - the way the patient perceives their condition. Nurses learn to diagnose and treat the human response to the disease, the illness.
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Before I first hand experienced the extreme personal challenges of a broken ankle, I always assumed broke bones were not a big deal; however, personally experiencing the broken bone illness - my subjective response to being unwell and the effects it had on each aspect of my life - I now more truly understand the importance of the nurse's duty in treating the patient holistically and not focusing on only the disease at hand.
Thank you to those doctors and nurses who have not only helped diagnose and treat my disease but my illness. I can thankfully say that the interdisciplinary healthcare team who took on my broken bones were not only competent enough to treat my physical brokenness, but also compassionate enough to take on the other broken areas of my life, and help begin the healing process of my illness.
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There have been a few opportunities for me to give back to my community through the donation of blood, however, I always decided against it since I went to the gym, like, every day and I really had no time to let anything slow me down. Selfish, right?
This past week, I got past my selfish tendencies, thanks to a four-month-and-counting challenge that has helped open my eyes to a different way of living, and gave blood. I've had plenty of IVs over the past few months, but there is nothing like a 16-gauge needle being stuck in your right arm - I mean, the needle is supposed to be smaller than your vein, right??
I was warned that I may get sick during and after giving blood - anything from vomiting to feeling dizzy and passing out. Well, I must be a freak of nature like my daddy, because I was feeling tired before they stuck me with that 16-gauge blood-hose, but was energetic for the rest of the day.
Oh, and they had blood type horoscopes {which were completely WRONG} and I grabbed all four of them since I am a nerdy nursing student. I am so going to make those a cover in one of my school binders.
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Taking the jet skis out to the lake has never been so exhilarating. Maybe that is because I haven't really 'gotten out' lately, you know, the whole not being able to walk thing kinda puts a damper on much activity. Dad could tell that I was having more fun than normal, being a little daring, living on the 'wild side', as a good friend of mine would call it.
Tis nice to get out in the sun and have fun, something that three months ago I never thought would be possible again. But the fixator is off, the boot is off, and walking has been set in motion for about seven weeks-going on eight weeks now - crazy, I know right! And everything I thought would never be possible again, like truly smiling, has come back to me. And I am even more thankful for the little things than I was before. Funny how a challenge as big {or little - however you want to look at it} as mine can put things into perspective.
