By Wednesday of this past week, I was ready for a nap, coffee, and some serious guilty-pleasure food, yeah like the stuff you shouldn't eat that has all the sugar and calories and chocolate and flour and non-Elizabeth food. I felt like my sister in the picture below, trying to flail away from the crap that just kept on hitting me.
But what goes down must come up . . . right?
It was test-day week. And know that when a nursing student tells you that, you better go buy her{him} chocolate or cookies or beer {the beer for the guys, of course}. Sometimes it feels that, no matter how hard you study or how much you know the information learned in lecture through and through, somehow you just aren't good enough; you aren't smart enough. This test-day week was a little more ruthless; first a pretty horrid grade on a test and then a not-adequate score on my critique called for a bad Wednesday full of tears and Pumpkin Spice Lattes (a coping mechanism of mine - whether it be positive or maladaptive, you may be the judge).
And the stress continues to come; however, I must choose to look toward it with positivity.
I had a little interview with a student who is putting together senior profiles for a program I am enrolled in at my school. One of the questions she asked was "What advice would you give other students?"
Those questions are always the hardest to answer, especially when you are put on the spot. Nevertheless, I answered the question with a statement that has been on my mind for a while; something that I feel one can't always gain with purely advice; something that life's crazy challenging experiences truly help you understand.
A t t i t u d e i s e v e r y t h i n g .
Experiences may shape you, but your attitude will either make you or break you. You, yourself, are truly in control of how you think and feel; if a challenge comes up and blocks you, you can take one of two roads: you can either let it discourage you and you can quit trying OR you can ignore the discouraging thoughts that are for sure rolling through your mind and you can take initiative, accept the challenge and the possible loss against you (whether it be having to be in school or an extra year or whatever it may be), and be determined to not let it negatively impact your character, your perspective, and the way you look at life. Accept what is and what may be, but never stop working towards or fighting for your goals.
For me, it was a matter of letting go of my desires and giving them to God before he gifted them right back to me. Right when I {hardly} accepted the fact that I would have to be staying in school for an extra year to finish my degree AND I gave it to the Lord, that is when he gave me the desire of my hear: to graduate on time.
Your experiences make 10% of who you are, and how you react to them makes up the remaining percentage.
Yes, I got into a car accident and broke my ankle. But a broken ankle is not who I am.
So many alternatives could have happened regarding my ankle. If you haven't seen the pictures of what my ankle actually went through, then know that I essentially had a rod through my foot and two screws anchored into my tibia to keep my ankle joint in-line. Although this 'external fixator' was such a sign to see {and yes, I remain proud of it to this day because what an experience that was!}, it could have been much worse; like ankle-fusion-worse {if you don't know what ankle fusion is, please go google it}. Prayers were a lot of what helped me get through my injury, but my attitude was a lot of it too. Some people say "hope for the best but expect the worst." Well, when it came to my ankle, I hoped for the best and expected the best - I am determined to get my full-on no-aid pistol squat back in my right leg. Oh how much more beautiful is a pistol squat after a broken ankle; very much so actually, because of all that extra work put into it.
Attitude is everything, and without a positive one, I would not be where I am today, right now as I write this.
I believe attitude not only shapes experiences, but experiences also shape your attitude.
Diving a little bit into my past. . . after my first every break up with a boy, I started changing into someone new. It took an extremely negative experience, or at least I thought so at the time, to change my perspective on life to a more positive one. I became a happier person, smiled more, laughed more, and even argued less with others. By no means is my life perfectly covered with flowers and fairy dust, but this negative experience which brought me much sorrow and angst at the time has now left me with a feeling of overwhelming joy and peace.
Similarly, I have changed all-the-more after the experiences and challenges of the last six months. Isn't it crazy how these terribly negative happenings can transform you into a more loving, caring, positive and happy individual? How can that be? Like I said, it is all about your attitude.
In other news, this past weekend, I was able to run my first outside run since my accident; it was also my first time since my accident and rehabilitation that I have tried to run over a mile! These poor leg muscles are rolling up into balls and increasing the compartment pressure in the compartments of my lower legs; but even though I am running slowly, I am still running!
Talk about having to stretch but not really wanting to . . .
Beyond thankful for the love shown to me by family, friends, and family-friends alike. God has truly blessed me despite my unworthiness. I do not deserve all of which God has given me, and yet he continues to hold out his hand to me and, for this, I am so thankful.